Trying To Grasp The Why Of It All

Wow. I have been through a whirl wind of crazy. Like a tornado that happens every single day. When one of my stalkers proxy spies asked me, "if I had a good life?" He knew the answer to that question. It has been a life, I could have never imagined. But it is what it is and I missed out on important years and peoples lives. The insanity has taken a toll on all my relationships. Created a divide and conquer situation to the utmost degree. I am human, have feelings, and deserve to voice my anger.

Why and how did this all happen? What part did I play in this and what have I learned? Through this challenge, I absolutely realized there is no god. I am an atheist. I respect where others are in there journey, but I am an atheist. I have been physically sick worrying, if something was going to happen to the people I asked support from. Not knowing what really and truly was going on. It was all a very dark secret and still is today. Secrets always have a dark connotation to them.

I wonder if this will ever fizzle out. There has been so much damage. I think a man would be better off, with someone that did not have to go through what I did. Someone, that was not tainted. Then whoever he is with can start with a clean fresh slate. I am not sure what tomorrow will bring, but I wish for good friends that don't want to play games and will treat me with respect.

The New Year is a few days away. But everyday is a new day, you do not need a new year to make some drastic changes, because they usually do not last. We are an accumulation of what we have been. I don't get joy out of terrorizing other people, but I have to stand up for myself. It is a fine line to walk and discern. I miss Corrine and Robert and have worried about them. May they be safe, happy and healthy.

May the year 2013 be a brighter year. I really and truly wish the best for Alireza Fatemi. I hope he finds what he is looking for, enjoys his life and is treated with love and respect. It has been an odd situation and I am not sure what has really gone on, but I hope it all works out for him.